Assent: You Didn't Get It From Me

Dear You,

I wish I had the guts to say this all to your face, however we both realize that wouldn't end well. So here it is — no conciliatory sentiments.

At seventeen, I didn't think it was odd that you, at twenty-two, needed to date me. My age limit at the time was likely a quarter century a seven-year age crevice was a lot for me, yet four and a half? No biggie.

Presently, at twenty-two myself, going on twenty-three, I understand how wrong I was.

When I see seventeen-year-olds, I can't resist the urge to see the absence of background. That is to say, it relies on upon where you look, obviously: go to an "internal city" school, they have huge amounts of background I've never had. Be that as it may, go to a school like mine... that is another story.

What's more, I'm mature enough to show them now. No chance to get in my right personality would I ever even consider dating a seventeen-year-old. There is just a lot of a distinction in development and perspective.

My father dependably let me know he knew I'd date more established on the grounds that I was "adult for my age." Sure, I was, yet despite everything I needed so much background. I didn't recognize what the world was similar to, regardless of the fact that I thought I did. At seventeen, I was prepared for the world, prepared to get out there and see all that it brings to the table, however you... you had officially adapted such a great amount about it.

Furthermore, some way or another, you needed to date me, rather than some person your own age who was at the same stage in life as you.

It's just plain obvious, that is the thing, we were at distinctive phases of life.

I never thought you were just in it for sex. I generally considered me, thought I was entertaining, shrewd, and beautiful. You generally let me know you thought I was keen, that I would end up in a good place. You were content with your life, and I was simply beginning.

Yes, I know you thought about me.

Be that as it may, you couldn't have cared sufficiently less to simply inquire.

I can envision your response on the off chance that you ever do read this or any of this site. You'll likely let me know I'm being strange, over-responding, and you didn't assault me. How would I be able to say a wonder such as this?

Single word: assent.

You didn't get it from me.

Possibly you thought I did. Possibly the kissing, hands everywhere on one another, me being certain at first was a sufficient "yes." Maybe my memory is off, and you did ask, and I did say yes. Alright — you have me there.

However, you didn't ask me once more, and you didn't ensure I was alright amid the entire thing. You didn't inquire as to whether I was alright until after when I was shaking and frightened and lost in light of the fact that I couldn't stop you.

What's more, yes: I did attempt to stop you.

It is extremely unlikely you didn't feel me attempt to push you off.

I trust that on the off chance that you are ever somebody's first time again, you ask more than just once.

What's more, on the off chance that you feel their hand on your mid-section pushing you away, I trust you respond.

Individuals can alter their opinions mostly through.

You generally pointed the finger at me for your deficiencies and your conduct towards me, as though I was requesting it. I never disgraced you for it or pointed the finger at you back. I never at any point got down on you about it, with the exception of the time you called me inept, on my birthday, while you were leading me on toward the end of our relationship.

Be that as it may, you disgraced me. Constantly.

You ridiculed my intrigues, hurt my sentiments, and made me feel lacking.

Also, I never got down on you about those things either.

Indeed, this time, I'm getting you out. You committed an error — a major one. I know you didn't intend to, however you did. Furthermore, here we are.

It's taken me every one of these years to try and perceive what happened. It's required me this investment to quit minding what you think, and simply be me. You wouldn't trust it — I would not like to erase you on Facebook in light of the fact that I didn't need you to think I was juvenile. Since for reasons unknown, that mattered to me. Despite everything I gave it a second thought, despite the fact that you hurt me past what I knew hurt could feel like.

So it would be ideal if you possess up to it. Remember it, and absolutely never give it a chance to happen again.